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Self-Regulation can Free us from being Prisoners of our Feelings

By: John Muller, MD candidate

The second skill of emotional intelligence (EQ) that Goleman suggests is that of self-regulation. Self-regulation can be understood as a psychological asset that enables individuals to manage feelings, thoughts, impulses, and behavior. The capacity to regulate emotions serves as the central component. 

Those with self-regulation feel emotional impulses and have bad moods just like anyone; however, they find ways to control these and more importantly, to channel them into useful ways. 

We have all received that text message or email that brought us to our breaking point. Rather than impulsively responding, next time try to count to fifty to calm down or even type out your email response and place it in drafts to come back to it at another time. 

Self-Regulation consists of five competencies

The first competency of self-regulation is self-control. Individuals with self-control manage disruptive emotions and impulses, stay composed even in trying moments and think clearly under pressure. 

Self-regulation has a trickle-down effect

The most effective leaders demonstrate self-control. They are in control of their feelings and impulses and therefore create an environment of trust and fairness. 

Many of the bad things that happen in a company or in one’s personal life is a function of impulsive behaviors. Take for example athletes who get into trouble for tax evasion. An opportunity presented itself and those with low impulse control take it. Do you believe that these short-term gains are worth the (possible) negative long term consequences?

The second competency is trustworthiness. These individuals act ethically, maintain standards of honesty and integrity, and build trust through their reliability and authenticity. 

Most importantly, those with trustworthiness take tough, principled stands even if they are unpopular, a critical attribute for a leader.

The third competency is conscientiousness. Those who take responsibility for personal performance, meet commitments, and keep promises display conscientiousness. Importantly, these people will hold themselves accountable for meeting their objectives. 

The fourth competency is adaptability. These individuals display flexibility in handling change, smoothly handle multiple demands and adapt their responses and tactics to fit the circumstance. 

People who have mastered their emotions are able to roll with the changes 

Change is difficult; the anticipation, the event, and the adjustment period causes everyone a certain level of anxiety. Those with strong self-regulation are able to adapt and control their emotions. With controlled emotions and adaptability, one is set to be a leader. 

The fifth and final competency is innovativeness. Individuals with innovativeness seek out fresh ideas, entertain original solutions to problems, generate new ideas and take fresh perspectives and risks in their thinking. 

Self-regulation would encourage people to take a more powerful role on their thoughts, emotions, and performances

Self-regulation contributes to psychological wellbeing, health-promoting behaviors, employee socialization, and high job performance. In fact, studies have found that self-regulation may protect against the risk of coronary heart disease in older men. 

A study we can all relate to showed that a failure of self-regulation causes a higher risk of addictive smartphone behavior. Seems like a great starting point to improve your self-regulation on your journey to becoming a better leader.